Psychology

Abstract
Being a parent is wonderful.  Parenting can also be difficult.  Many couples believe that in order to motivate their children to be obedient and to have discipline, punishment is the answer.  A lot of parents nowadays also believe that they can achieve the same goal without punishing their beloved kids.  Instead, they reward them.  Which strategy is really effective  Giving rewards or punishment

Rewards vs. Punishment in Children
All parents will go through the stage wherein they would need to instill discipline in their children.  Parents would usually have different approach but which one is really effective  Some parents would use punishment and would often times use spanking as a way to motivate their children to follow their orders.  On the other hand, some parents believe that by giving rewards to their kids every time they would follow orders is the better way to motivate their kids. 

Parents who use punishment believe that when their kids misbehave, they would learn from their mistakes when they punish them.  Kids should really learn from their mistakes.  That will serve as their guide not to repeat the bad behavior.  If children repeatedly do something bad and parents just ignore it, the child would just continue with that behavior.  The parents should do something to stop this repetition.  This is where a lot of parents go wrong.   A child sees punishment as a revenge or retribution.  It can lead to rebellion and resentment and can cause other negative behavior. 

So how can a parent discipline without punishment  For example, a child comes home late there should be an appropriate action from the parents so the child will go home early next time.  For the child, he came home late because he knows that he cant go out at all the following day.  If you think about it, there is a link on why the child misbehaved.  Parents should understand this link first before they take any action.  When parents understand their children, they can have better communication and the child would not need to misbehave at all.

Parents would resort to punishment and spanking when they themselves have experienced this.  Another reason is that they just dont know how to communicate with their children and they dont know how to express their anger.

People would become parents thinking that good parenting comes out naturally.  Parents should reflect first on the things that their parents did to them and decide whether those things were beneficial.  Parents can reject or follow what their own parents did to them.  It is good that a lot of parents nowadays would attend parenting seminars and workshops so they would not commit the same mistakes that their parents had.

Of course there are still those parents who live in ignorance and wallow in the hurts that they suffered from their own parents.  It means that they are prone in repeating what was done to them.  Parents need to learn that giving rewards is better.  Inform the child of the rewards of good behavior and deliver the rewards immediately after the change in behavior was made. 

How can a parent motivate a child to display good behavior  One way to encourage good behavior is to use a reward system. This works best in children over 2 years of age. It can take up to 2 months to work. Being patient and keeping a diary of behavior can be helpful to parents.         

Choose 1 to 2 behaviors you would like to change (such as bedtime habits, tooth brushing or picking up toys). Choose a reward your child would enjoy. Examples of good rewards are an extra bedtime story, delaying bedtime by half an hour, a preferred snack or, for older children, earning points toward a special toy, a privilege or a small amount of money.       

Explain the desired behavior and the reward to the child. For example, If you get into your pajamas and brush your teeth before this TV show is over, you can stay up a half hour later. Request the behavior only one time. If the child does what you ask, give the reward. You can help the child if necessary but dont get too involved. Because any attention from parents, even negative attention, is so rewarding to children, they may prefer to have parental attention instead of a reward at first. Transition statements, such as, In 5 minutes, play time will be over, are helpful when you are teaching your child new behaviors. (www.familydoctor.org)       This system helps you avoid power struggles with your child. However, your child is not punished if he or she chooses not to behave as you ask he or she simply does not get the reward.

There is a good article which says about a group of scientist who conducted an experiment about the effects of punishment and reward in children.  This was written for  HYPERLINK httpwww.psychologytoday.com www.psychologytoday.com.  This article was written by Jay Belsky is Director of the Institute for the Study of Children, Families and Social Issues and Professor of Psychology at Birkbeck University of London. Belsky is an expert in the field of child development and family studies. 

Many a child developmental professional will advise parents to try to ignore childrens bad behavior and reward their good behavior. As most parents know, this is sometimes easier said than done. After all, bad behavior can be so irritating that it is difficult not to respond to, that is, to ignore. It takes real  HYPERLINK httpwww.psychologytoday.combasicsself-control o Psychology Today looks at Self-Control discipline.  Some parents might object to ignoring bad behavior because they see it, understandably perhaps, as their responsibility to correct the childs misbehavior. Ignoring it may seem like tolerating if not rewarding it and thus failing to do ones duty as a parent.  Despite how reasonable this sounds, it turns out that most experts, including of the Super Nanny variety, are correct. Rewards are more effective than punishment. And some Dutch neuroscientists have just found out why that seems to be the case. 

Their work involved 89- and 1112-year olds who were given the opportunity to learn some basic tasks by means of positive, rewarding feedback or negative, punishing feedback. Specifically, all children were given a computer task which required them to discover rules and when they correctly inferred a rule, as revealed by choices they made in the task, a check--positive reward--appeared on the screen but if their choice indicated that they had not correctly figured out the rule of the task, then a cross--punishment--appeared on the screen. Repeated running of the task showed that performance improved substantially more when the feedback was positive in the case of the younger children, telling them they did well when they did, rather than negative, telling them that they did poorly when they did. Just the opposite proved true in the case of older children, who functioned just like young adults aged 18-25 who were also tested. That is, negative feedback improved performance more for these individuals than did positive feedback.

Because the cognitive tasks central to this research were administered while the children and young adults were in a brain scanning machine, brain imaging revealed that brain areas responsible for cognitive control and located in the cerebral cortex seemed to play a role in why younger and older children learned so differently. That is, these brain control centers were more strongly activated in the face of negative feedback in the case of older children and adults, but more strongly activated when receiving positive feedback in the case of younger children. It is almost as if for the younger children positive feedback registered more strongly, whereas for the older children, just the opposite proved true.

Why might this be so If you think about it for a moment, as the investigators did, it becomes apparent that information which stipulates that you did something wrong is more complicated than information stipulating that you did something well. So younger children may simply have an easier time processing simpler, positive, rewarding information than negative feedback. As the authors noted, Learning from mistakes is more complex than carrying on in the same way as before. You have to ask yourself what precisely went wrong and how it was possible. That is, it takes more analysis to figure out that what was done is mistaken than that it is correct.       

What still remains unknown is exactly what accounts for the change in brain functioning and how it occurs. Do new connections within or between brain regions emerge during the transition to adolescence Do hormones associated with puberty play a role Like all good research, this elegant work raises new questions at the same time it reveals new things.

The bottom line seems to be that we now have a better idea why rewards work better than punishment with pre-adolescent children. So if it is an explanation you need for why you should reward good behavior more than punish bad behavior, at least with pre-adolescent children, now you have one. The task that still remains, of course, is regulating ones own irritability, frustration and thus behavior in the face of annoying child behavior so that we can ignore it. (Belsky, 2008)

For some parents, disciplining their cute preschooler is a tough assignment.  For one thing, they are indeed so cute.  For another, its hard to get mad at somebody who still has a hard time tying her shoelace.

While its easy to accept things as they are, allowing a child to continue with her mischievous ways without consequence can be harmful.  There are things that parents can consider on how to deal with different situations without the guilt of punishing the kids.

Falling on deaf ears  Sometimes even if a parent has repeatedly called the childs attention, the tyke would refuse to budge from whatever shes doing.  Once a child gets used to disregarding her parents forewarnings and reminders, it send a clear message that she can always let mommys warning pass.  This often leads to defiance in the long run.  Parents should not always assume that the child cant hear them.  This would often give a negative interpretation of the childs action, which will irritate the parent more, when she may just be very engrossed with what shes doing and may be oblivious to whats happening around her, which is typical to young children.

At times like these, parents should not raise their voice instead gently tap the child to call her attention.  If you need a child for an urgent matter, say she has to take her bath prompt her to action by saying something like, Okay, Ill give you five more minutes to finish your coloring, and then we will take a bath.  Parents need to make sure to establish eye contact and that the child gets used to looking at the parent when speaking or responding.  Response is always necessary so both the child and the parent knows that they are on the same page.

Whining and talking back  Kids can have attitude too, and they would often let out a mouthful before they are even aware of what they are doing.  They can sometimes just tune out, whine, or keep talking back.

Often, kids talk in the same manner they hear other people talk, and the greatest influence are usually the parents and the immediate family.  Parents should ask themselves first, Do I or my husband talk this way  If not, the parents can ask the child why she talks back or shouts at her parents.  If parents want to correct the childs misbehavior, they should need to change their own misbehavior first.  If the child does not see the proper way of speaking with adults and kids alike, from the parents, then what would motivate her to communicate and express herself in an acceptable manner

Parent should tell the child that whining or talking back is disagreeable and improper and that mommy and daddy will continue to not talk and listen to her is she will not speak nicely.

Butting in  Some children are naturally talkative.  Oftentimes, they are so excited to share their thoughts that they insist on getting their parents attention right away, even when Mom or Dad is in a middle of a conversation with another adult.  While its okay to accommodate the childs sweet plea to be heard, she may think that it is her right to be heard all the time ahead to everybody else.  This teaches the child that she is entitled to your full attention and handling frustration.

For a child, the notion is the world revolves her.  Children have yet to understand the concept of the word later, thus would instead of being heard now.  In this case, parents must patiently explain why your child has to wait for the adults to finish before you can talk to her.  Parents should be firm.  They can tell the child that she wont get what shes asking for if she keeps on interrupting the conversation. 

The parents can also give her alternatives.  They can ask the child to read a book while waiting, or if she wants, she can sit on mommys lap and wait, while her parents can continue talking with the other grownups.

Playing it rough  Kids can get into serious rough and tumble that sometimes leads to broken bones or bruised knees.  Sometimes too, a petty argument can turn to a shouting match, with pushing and shoving.  Before you know it, they are on the ground engaged in a wrestling scuffle.

If parents dont intervene early, rough behavior even during play can become a bad habit that is difficult to correct.  Action such as this warrant a timeout.  The message that should be instilled to the child is that hurting people is unacceptable.  The parents can calmly pull the child aside and explain to her that she is not allowed to hurt anyone, and that if she chooses to be rough, then she will be curtailed with some privileges.  The behavior becomes less likely to be repeated because the child would not want to risk being deprived of playtime with kids again.

Sibling skirmish  A simple activity like watching cartoons may end up in a throw-down when siblings cannot agree which program to watch.  Before punches are thrown and injuries sustained, parents must throw water to the fire.

Communication is the key.  Preschoolers sometimes do not have that brake switch in their brain the one that tells them Wait Im angry maybe I should tell someone and work it out.  Instead, their brain is more likely to go from Im angry to Ill hit someone without pausing to think in between.  Children at this age may not have the capacity to control the emotional centers of the brain long enough to think rationally or look for alternative means of expressing their emotions or thoughts.  By having a child stop and try to express what she is feeling, the parents can help the child learn a different way of coping with a situation and dealing with her anger.

While these behavior problems may not be major, they are not exactly petty either.  They are in that gray area between major and minor.  They are not major in that they do not require action consulting a therapist at once.  However, these issues still require action and intervention from parents.  If not addressed immediately, these may form the groundwork for major behavioral problems in the future.  These little issues are opportunities for children to learn right from wrong, good from bad.  Even as the parents address the wrong doing, they should also stop to think where this behavior is coming from, because in many instances it can be all about a childs unmet needs.

What are some good ways to reward a child  These examples can guide the parents on rewarding good behavior

Beat the clock  This is a good for a dawdling child.  The parent should ask the child to perform a task.  Set a timer.  If the child was able to finish the task before the timer rings, the child gets a reward.  To decide the amount of time to give the child, figure out the childs best time to do that task and add 5 more minutes.

The good behavior game  This is good for teaching a new behavior.  Write a short list of good behavior on a chart and mark the chart with a star each time the child displays the good behavior.  After the child has earned a small amount of stars, give the child a reward.

Good marks  bad marks  This is the best method for difficult, highly active kids.  In a short time, like an hour, put a mark on the childs hand each time you see her display a good behavior.  After a certain number of marks, give the child a reward.  You can also make negative marks every time she displays bad behavior.  If you do this, only give a reward if there are more positive than negative marks.
Developing quiet time  This is often useful when parents are preparing dinner.  Ask the child to quietly alone or with a sibling for a short time, like maybe 30 minutes.  Check on your child frequently, like every 5 minutes and give a token for each few minutes they were quiet or playing well.  Gradually increase the intervals but continue to give rewards for each time period your child was quiet or played well.

Parents can also make a short list of important rules and go over them with the child.  The parents should also accept the childs basic personality, whether its shy, social, active or talkative.  Parents can change basic personality a little, but not very much.  Parents should
try to avoid situations that can make the child cranky such as becoming overly stimulated, tired or bored.  Avoid criticizing the child in front of other people.  Describe the childs behavior as bad, but do not label the child as bad.  Praise the child often when she deserves it.  Touch her affectionately often.  Children always want and need attention from their parents.

Parents can also develop little routines and rituals especially at bed times and meal times.  Provide transition remarks (such as In 5 minutes, we will be eating dinner).  Allow the child to make choices on her own.  Like what color of pajamas to wear at bed time.

As the child gets older, they may enjoy becoming involved in household rule making.  Avoid debating the rules at the time of misbehavior, but invite the child to participate in rule making at another time.

Children who learn that bad behavior is not tolerated and that good behavior is rewarded are learning skills that will last them a lifetime.  The biggest drawback when parents choose punishment instead of rewarding their children is that although punishment stops the bad behavior for awhile, it does not teach the child to change her behavior.  Disciplining a child is really just teaching her to choose good behaviors.  If the child does not know good behaviors, she is likely to return to the bad behavior.  Physical punishment becomes less effective with time and can cause the child to behave aggressively.  It can also be carried to far, into child abuse.