Psychology

Effective parenting leading to the upbringing of disciplined and virtuous children begins with being able to communicate with them in a manner that instills the values the parent would wish (Kaine, 2010). In fact, communication is the most essential component of relationships. Effective parents talk to their children effectively so that they understand them better, establishing a conducive environment in which both parties understand each other. Any conversation is conducted in an ideal environment where there is no disturbance or interference so that it engages the full attention of both parent and child (Kendall  DeGangi, 2008). It is necessary first to hear what a child or a teenager has to say talking too much without hearing them is counterproductive and only leads to them feeling misunderstood, undermined and underappreciated (Kaine, 2010).

Another component in effective communication is concentrating on approaches that help build the self esteem of a child without putting him or her down (Kaine, 2010). This can be accomplished by referring to the positive things the child has done or accomplished in the past so that a tone is set to base further discussion on. Dwelling on the positives first makes a child feel appreciated and lets it engage the inner conscience, naturally experiencing the undesirable consequences of its unbecoming actions (Kaine, 2010). It is only through such reflections that meaningful change of behavior and attitude can be achieved and maintained.

Besides effective communication, parents need to effectively discipline their children, to put in place a set of rules and guidelines backed up with reasons of reinforcing them. Children are adventurous and disobedient by nature and they need to be told and taught why they should do one thing and not do another. The reason or motivation should not be presented as an avenue of exerting parental authority (Raspberry, 1998). For example if a child wants to hit another and the parent tells him or her to stop, the reason should not be because I said stop On the contrary, if the child is told to stop the aggression because he or she would not like to be hit, there is likely to be more positive results.

Effective parents should avoid making rules on the spot if they are not to become a joke to their children (Raspberry, 1998). Children need to be involved in the rule-making process so that they can understand the reason behind them and know the positive and negative reasons both for abiding by them and going against them. The rewards for exemplary behavior could be presents or gifts, while the negative consequences of breaking any element of the set rules could be time-outs  whereby a child is isolated from its natural and preferred setting and informed that that is the consequence of misdemeanor (Kendall,  DeGangi, 2008).

There has been a lot of debate and controversy surrounding the use of spanking as a means of instilling discipline. The fact remains that spanking done while enraged produces an angry reaction from the child, making it more defiant and resistant to the diplomatic approaches to discipline instillation (Kendall  DeGangi, 2008). Furthermore, continuous corporal punishment makes a child immune to physical pain (Kendall  DeGangi, 2008). In most cases, a child frequently punished by spanking ends up developing low self esteem and a negative attitude towards the parents and the society in general. The most effective parent disciplinarians use the democratic approach (Kaine, 2010). A child is taught from an early age the expectations his or her parents have, meting of appropriate punishments and rewards for commendable behavior and acts. From such an approach, children learn how to have and exercise self control, make informed choices and decisions, and become outgoing and independent.