Psychology

Interviewing both my parents together, on issues like their marriage and its impact on me and vice versa was a unique idea and all three of us enjoyed this session very much. Though I knew it, after interviewing both my parents together, my belief that they are a very happy couple became even stronger.

I discovered that over the years they have hugely become interdependent on each other. There are certain things like cooking that only my mother can do. So if she is out of town for a couple of days, it is difficult for my father to manage.  Similarly there are certain activities related to the household in which my mother has never taken any interest. Those activities are single-handedly being managed by my father since the very beginning of their married life. A few such activities are bank work, looking after the investment matters, grocery shopping, mowing the lawn etc. My mother articulated her problems when my father has to move out of town even for a couple of days.

Somehow, I didnt find this interdependence on each other a very healthy factor. I feel that the role of a life partner is to provide support to his  her spouse but not make him  her so dependant on oneself that one is not able to cope up with the other ones absence. I reiterated this point in the form of a question to my parents during the interview and both seemed to agree with this viewpoint. My father complained that he had always tried to make my mother involved in bank activities, investment issues, grocery shopping etc., but she never showed an interest in all these. He also pointed out that he had always wanted to be involved in cooking but my mother has always restrained him from doing so because she did not want him to create a mess in the kitchen, whose cleanliness she is very particular about. My mother had no answer to these accusations made by my father, which made it clear that this work divide was created by her. She later added that she will think over this issue and try to change for the better.

Barring this aspect I had a very positive impression of my parents marriage throughout the interview. Until now I had treated them only as my parents but through this interview I got a chance to perceive them as human beings who have a life of their own other than just being my parents. As human beings married to each other, I found them a made for each other couple as they complemented each other in all aspects. They have formed a very beautiful relationship together and just watching their comfort and interaction level with each other during the interview gave me an idea of the warmth of their wonderful relationship. They seemed each others best friends rather than just spouses.

Needless to say, when ones parents share a good relationship with each other, life is like a cakewalk for children. I have seen many children from broken homes. Children who have always seen their parents fighting on trivial matters do not grow up to become happy human beings. They always have some or the other scar on their personality. But I am thankful to God for giving me parents like my mom and dad who have made life so beautiful and secure for me.

Since their marriage is based on love and has a soothing calmness, it has played a very positive role in my personality development. I am very calm and composed from within and my personality oozes out an inner strength that is related to the quality of my excellent family life gifted to me by my parents. I strongly believe that if my parents would have had a troubled marriage I would not have been the individual that I am today. Since there was no trouble at home throughout my childhood, I have lived life to the fullest without any neglect or fear.

However, a good environment at home because of the excellent marriage of my parents has made me accustomed of a cocooned and sheltered life. I think I will not be able to face the hardships boldly as I am not used to the small troubles and tribulations of life. But it is always better to lead a normal life than face troubles in form of fighting parents in childhood. Life throws immense testing times upon us if my parents have managed to be calm without letting me have a feel of those testing times, I think even I will be able to sale across boldly in such situations.

I would like to point out that during their interview they revealed that my siblings and I were a very important binding force for them. My mother said that when we were small both she and my father were young and more hot headed than what they are now. But it was because of us that they were able to get over certain differences in opinion. After our birth, they both started considering themselves first our parents then each others spouse.

My father said that there were many occasions when he used to burst with anger but seeing our innocent faces he used to mellow down because he didnt want to frighten us by fighting with our mother in front of us. Both of them accepted that it was due to us that they got the strength to control their anger. It was our innocent faces that stopped them from being cruel to each other.

They revealed that just like normal couples they had a number of small quarrels but they managed to hide those quarrels from us. Once when they had a fight in front of me, I remember, sobbing out of fear and helplessness. They had felt extremely sorry to have hurt my feelings this way and had mutually decided to keep their childrens interest above their own. My siblings and I have kept them together over the years as they believe that couples can split but parents cant.

This interviewing assignment made me see my parents relationship from a different perspective than what I used to see until now. I was able to look at their lives from an outsiders perspective and not from the perspective of their child. I was really in awe of their integrity of fighting through hard times and fluctuating moods to make me and my siblings feel secure. The interview was a learning experience for me as there were so many things that I had never thought about. It helped me appreciate my parents and respect them even more. The best part is that the professional way in which I conducted the interview, made my parents proud of me. You have become mature and smart, they rejoiced.