Psychology

Preface
One of my all time favorite novels, Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, has a peculiar start to it. It starts with a simple question Who is John Galt which seems rather innocuous and uninteresting, just like an everyday conversational question. As it turns out, the whole novel, which is no less than a saga, revolves around that question. By the time the novel is nearing its epic end, the one thing which hits the reader the most is this sometimes a simple enquiry has the power to change the way you think, the way you act, and the way you live.

I envisage a similar response from my readers as I write this book. The greatest gift that a writer can get is to realize that his or her work has made people think. For me, writing has always been a process rather than an end. I love to have a mutual relationship of discovery and reflection with my readers. As you will find out, this work is more to do with a journey of self-realization than mere preaching.

So, without further ado, let me kick start this book with the question that started it all.

A Short Story
Who Am I

I still remember the day as clearly as yesterday. Its not something one gets over easily. Though, in retrospect, there was nothing much to get over. Its just that when you are young and growing up, some incidents are too impressionable to be forgotten without a mark.

It was a sunny Sunday morning on one of New Yorks most beautiful autumn days. I was 8 years old and life was more or less perfect the two usually never go together. As a child you worry about the smallest of things, and forget about them in the smallest of times. Such a gift is taken away by the curse of adulthood, which brings with it the insanity of reason and social understandings.

Two of my best school friends, Jerry and David, were to arrive at my place. My mom was busy preparing a typical English breakfast for my guests. I had already chalked out my plans for the day. We all were to have a sumptuous breakfast and go cycling to the nearby park, loaded with more food for the afternoon, and some loose change for the ice cream man. The park was our world, and the world was our playground.

The bell rang once, twice, and then a few more times before the silence in our house was restored. I instantly knew they had arrived. No one else would dare to ring so many times, other than two over enthusiastic 8 year olds.

I remember being very tensed about their visit. The reasons were simple then, but have become complex over the years. My father had just finished his morning prayers. He was wearing a traditional brown colored Jellabiya the one he feels most comfortable in and the one which makes him feel at home. He got up from his study and opened the door with a smile. I dare say I didnt expect what happened.  Now that I think of it, I was really tensed about my friends seeing my father in that dress. I had already noticed that nobody on the streets of New York wore such a dress. I was beginning to get the idea that we were in some way different form other normal people
.
So when my two best friends burst out laughing on seeing my father, all my doubts were confirmed. My father was a good enough sport to laugh with them and welcome them inside the house. But the rest of my day turned upside down. It was as if I was looking at everything for the first time with a new perspective. And when a child gets a new perspective on things, it sometimes becomes the only perspectives for years to come.

A hip-hopping Jellabiya
Chapter 1
Let me pause my little story and start an introductory discussion which will form the basis for all other chapters in this book.

Who are you really Let me answer this first and keep this as a test. All details should flow straight from the heart with minimum thought.

Im a 29 year old male, born and brought up in New York and London for most of the part. Im of mixed nationality by birth my mother is British and my father is from Kuwait. My religious inclination I was given the freedom, or so I would like to think, to pick and follow what made sense to me. Anyhow, I followed Islam and till now everything is working out fine. I work for the Qatar Government and am a specialist in Communications.

There you go. I wrote that paragraph in one go and I swear I did not edit it. Lets analyze it now. Most people would give a more or less similar description of themselves when questioned. The problem lies here you have given this description because you have been questioned by someone. So, you give a superficial answer that categorizes you in a particular section of the questioners psyche Well brought up man, culturally sound (whatever that means to the asker), maybe over emotional (all non BritishAmericans are), probably still lives with family and surely very hardworking.

But, what if you were not questioned by someone else, but by yourself
We have all become so accustomed to giving tailor made answers to such personal questions that our subconscious has started hiding the stark facts even from us. So how can we truly know ourselves then

I feel that above all factors, how you are raised in your childhood defines you. It has to- Though it is possible you raised yourself from scratch, through various proper and improper means, teaching yourself about life through your own experiences and sources- In America, parents are the least contributing factor in deciding how a child is molded into an adult. School, movies, sports, girls, peers, friends, enemies, fights, music, fashion and a million other factors come together and form a complex personality, which can never be traced back to its origins,  unless you have a revelation from a unique incident which stays with you  like the story I talked about in the beginning.

Our ego deters us from realizing our true self. To give an example, when was the last time you admitted that you are really bad at doing something It is one of the hardest things to do. I have come across people who have chosen a particular career just because they want to be good at it as it brings with it a lot of financial success, respect in society, a general feel good factor due to what others perceive us as. Deep down inside, they were meant for something else, something which was their passion since early childhood. Well, Im one of those people.

I was a very creative child  finding meaning and beauty in colors all around me. I loved to paint and could depict ideas which I still could not express in words. After all these years, that quality still remains very much alive, like  a burning flame, sometimes illuminating  a mental vision of an art that could have been.

But, I dont say this with a hint of regret. And this is something what puzzles me.
Are we so lost in what this society expects us to be that we have suppressed our individuality Has our Ego completely dominated our self

I was unimaginably torn between my cultural values. The biggest paradox is that cultural values start of by being what they were meant to be  a socially homogenizing phenomenon- but over years one is so attached to them that one starts to protect them like a coveted personal possession. And it gets magnifies several time over when you have mixed nationality. I never knew which side to take, or if it is even right to say that one needs to take a side. What happens if one chooses to be a little imaginative and inter-mix cultures a bit Say, having the dressing sense of an Arab while having musical interests in British pop I bet you are laughing at the suggestion as you imagine it in your head. Even I had a good laugh when I thought of it first.

Sometimes we choose to believe in things that are not really useful, and make our life out right miserable , but we cant seem to give them up as then we would have to give up being right. I have realized that this is the case for most people when they try to reassess themselves personally. The first step to getting to know your true self is to get over this emotional barricade.

With these seemingly random bits and pieces of my thought, I move forward to a much more organized form. The chapters henceforth will deal with the how and why we behave in the way we do. I attempt to dive deeper into the human psyche to truly understand what makes me. I will present my views on personality identity crisis  as I would like to call it - in form of various chapters dealing with emotion, expression, vanity, fears and the traits that discuss core issues which need to be tackled, so that one day we might really emerge from the depth of our over cluttered and mirage like identity.

As Vincent would say

Chapter 2
As a suffering creature, I cannot do without something greater than I  something that is my life  the power to create. (Vincent van Gogh)

When Van Gogh said this, he probably paid heed to the fact that creation is person specific. What I create, you never can. You can only create things that are exclusive to you, to your passion. When you believe in something, you put yourself out in the cold condescension of the world, naked and vulnerable, but with the exception of that blazing fire within. You walk the path which none other than god himself had tread on when he created you.

We all need to know what we believe in (or at least ask the question). We all need to know what it is, that we feel passionate about, and do we in fact feel passionate about anything We all need to have passion, to fight for a cause, to want to help something or just to live life as it was intended to be lived. We need the direction that comes with passion. Most of us have had a vague sense of passion and dreams all our lives. While some of us played around with science and its mysteries, others deliriously looked upon movie stars or models, emulating them and being happy doing so. That paved way for science camps and drama clubs. Some of us have spent most of our schooling doing what we loved, what we were passionate about. But, after a certain age and exposure to what the world calls life we start questioning our passions and condemning them to irrationality or time wastage.

I was once on a flight with a fresh graduate from India. She was an engineer and was moving to London to take up a high paying management job in the city. A few drinks into the journey, she began opening up to me. She was an immensely gifted singer. All her life, she had learnt and practiced music, but when the time came to take up a career, she played it safe by doing something the rest of her country was doing.

What passions we harbor depend a lot more on our beliefs, morals and upbringing than our individuality or life interests. More often than not, our environment has a major role in handing us our zeal. For some people passion is fueled by competition. They seem passionate about everything they do because they take everything as scales their life would be judged by. Others might look inward to find that passion. For some people, passion is an extreme, compelling emotion for something or someone. The Pilgrims that sailed from Plymouth, England on September 6, 1620, did so with a shared passion for religious freedom. They wanted to live free from the man-made mandates of the Church of England. After sixty-six days at sea, the Pilgrims achieved their goal, landing on the shores of Massachusetts. Despite many hardships that first year, they gave thanks the following autumn, a day Americans celebrate as Thanksgiving.

 Sometimes we are delusional about what our passions truly are. Ask yourself the following questions What is your passion What are you doing to achieve your dream
What is your job Why did you take it up and how much time do you spend at it
And finally, how much time and energy do you put into your passion
A person like me would answer the questions in the following manner

My passion is painting and designing. Where others see art, I see expression. I have trained my self all my life to be able to express through brushes and strokes. That was my discipline to be well versed with art and its expression. I work in business administration, ten hours a day. I took it up because it pays decently and because designing was frowned upon as a career choice for men. I dont really get much time to pursue my dreams.

What does this answer say about me Does it make me any different from anyone else answering this question

Sometimes, there is a conflict of interests. It is very easy to confuse the fire to be accepted as excellent by society with the desire to self-excel.  Many of us live our lives doing things we are good at instead of things we want to. I am good at my job. I have had the maximum number of promotions since my joining than anyone else in my company. As I rise at work, I get better at what I do, even if I only delegate. I do my work well and go home happy. Am I passionate about what I do

Van Gogh once said, Whoever lives sincerely and encounters much trouble and disappointment without being bowed down is worth more than one who has always sailed before the wind and has only known prosperity.

Worth more to whom Whose opinion is it that finally counts

At the end of the day, who is the better man The one who sticks to norms and leads his life the way society defined it or the one who puts himself out there, feeds his imagination, talks of the universe as just a point or of worlds being round and pulled together, the one cast away as an anti social mad man, but in his lifetime, gives birth to science and wonder.

Someone once said that life is too short. We never know what final purpose we are living for, what our goal is or what part we play in the Earth Life Musical, but, if at every step, we can be true to our nature, we will find that every man is designed differently. Every individual has a purpose which can never be discovered if the self is not allowed to flourish. With the advent of a million engineers, a million IT employees, a million candidates with a medical license, we are in fact moving away from what the world was intended to be Different.

Do not quench your inspiration and your imagination do not become the slave of your model. (Vincent van Gogh)

Vanity Thy name is Me
Chapter 3

Who am I What defines Me What is Me

There are basically two things that define who you are. They are namely Emotion and Expression. All humans are inherently the same. Everybody has the same set of emotions, the only things that sets them apart on that front is the ratio in which the emotions are mixed. While some people feel say, jealousy with hint of pride that leads them towards a desire to excel, others may have self loathing or sorrow accompany the feeling of worthless less that comes with jealousy. These emotions are not the only dividers that set peoples definition of self apart. Close after these emotions, follows their expression. The execution of emotions is done by expression which is inherently exclusive. While emotions are the true judge of a persons character or me-factor, their expressions give us an indication of what they want to be acknowledged as. The thin line that divides, or more appropriately, allows the disparity between emotion and expression to exist, is what is called individualism, the one thing which is truly exclusive and sets people apart.

For example, imagine you go for a very sought after job interview. While being questioned, the interviewer comes across as rather brash. You pacify your self initially, knowing the importance of this interview. Halfway through the interview, you realize that the person has no intention of hiring you and is just playing around for some sadistic satisfaction. Maybe, he even cracks a racist joke What would your reaction be Anybody in your position would probably have the same train of thoughts leading up to an emotional saturation. Your expression may be violent, subservient, or plain nonchalant, but, how you deal with this dilemma, how you express your self at that moment, is specific who you are. Most companies deliberately have rigorous interview processes wherein the grill candidates to the point of cracking up just so they can truly gauge the person.

So, why do people hide things What happened in history that inculcated in us this need to be guarded at all times Did it begin with the advent of emotional attacks After all, it would be foolish to allow someone to have the upper hand in life only because they hold your deepest emotional fears as hostage

Fears play an important role in shape our character there is a theory of psychoanalysis, which was developed by the founders of todays Academy of Psychoanalysis and Psychotherapy in Munich, Fritz Riemann (1902-1979).It was inspired by Mathias Jung, the psychologist in his book My character, my fate. Accordingly, there are four basic fears fear of self-development of the depressive personality, fear of the dedication of the schizoid personality, the fear of change in personality, and the obsessive fear of the necessities of the hysterical personality.

Some people have it in them to be overtly emotional. All their actions are extremes. They range from suicidal tendencies to tremendous amounts of joy, delirium or pride. On the other hand, there are a few, who will silently suffer and at the most get an ice-cream on the birth of a child. If fundamentally, we are all the same, is it the environment we are brought up in, what changes our disposition The truth is we always search for identity and something to set us apart. Take siblings for example. Two children brought up in the same household with same values and experiences will learn differently from them and attempt originality at carving a niche for themselves. We are driven by the desire to be different, to be the anomaly in the system. And we do all this just so that we can define our life and justify its consequences.

Another powerful tool that defines me is pride (often confused with vanity). There is a subtle difference between the two. Vanity is what we want people to judge us by. It is more often than not run by a futile ego- the same that led the self-idolizing Narcissus to fall into oblivion. Mostly, we find ourselves judging our character on the basis of how we want others to perceive us, thereby falling further into the abyss of insecurity and chaos. Pride, on the other hand, is very personal. It is closely linked to honor and honor on yourself depends. Pride is what instills in us the quality of self-love.

Talking of pride, confidence cannot be far behind. Confidence is surrounded with ambiguity. It is not so much about being confident than it is about showing it. We all know many successful people who come across nothing but shallow and un-original, but, they carry themselves around with insinuation of authority, a command that leaves those around them feeling morbidly under achieving.

Existential Dilemmas
Chapter 4
We seem to be losing the real merits of living life passionately, in the sense of taking responsibility for who we are or turn out to be, our ability to make something of ourselves and feeling good about our way of living life.

Let us pause for a moment and ponder over two very pertaining issues that will help us get a better idea of how to apply what has been discussed so far. Now that we know what the idea of self is, we must question its importance and subsequent achievement.

Whenever there are talks of self, selfish soon follows, which is closely trailed by the word Existentialism, often discussed as a philosophy of despair.

Loosely defined, Existentialism suggests that the individual is solely responsible for giving his own life HYPERLINK httpen.wikipedia.orgwikiMeaning_28existential29 o Meaning (existential)meaning and living that life HYPERLINK httpen.wikipedia.orgwikiAuthenticity_28philosophy29 o Authenticity (philosophy)passionately and sincerely, in spite of many existential obstacles and distractions including HYPERLINK httpen.wikipedia.orgwikiPhilosophy_of_SC3B8ren_Kierkegaard l Despair o Philosophy of Sren Kierkegaarddespair, HYPERLINK httpen.wikipedia.orgwikiAngst o Angstangst, HYPERLINK httpen.wikipedia.orgwikiAbsurdism o Absurdismabsurdity, HYPERLINK httpen.wikipedia.orgwikiPhilosophy_of_SC3B8ren_Kierkegaard l Alienation o Philosophy of Sren Kierkegaardalienation, and HYPERLINK httpen.wikipedia.orgwikiBoredom o Boredomboredom. Society has wrongfully condemned this thought, on the basis of the insinuation that selfishness is a way of life.

Its time to throw out the suggestion that the word Existentialism primarily deals with morbid self deprecating implications. Looking inward with meditative scrutiny, I have come to believe that it is a residual longing in all humans to go the selfish way if allowed so. It is not a sense of anguish about life so much as a kind of exuberance.

How do you create your true identity What are the basic tools with which you construct an identity
The answer is Decisions To do or not to do. What you choose to be is what you are.
So, on what basis do you make your decisions What are the basic parameters that help you make a decision

Some of us try and emulate role models. When faced with need for a decision, we would instantly think, would such-such person do something like this A lot of our decisions are also based on an underlying moral code we set for ourselves, would it be okay to do this Also, when I need to make a decision, I look into the practical aspect as well. How much will I have to work for it What prejudices do my past experiences entail What rewards am I likely to get

Our decisions also amplify our character traits. A person I know owns a chain of casinos bestowed upon him as family inheritance. He had once told me that there were three character traits he wanted to keep, Never smoking, Never drinking and Never gambling. Unfortunately, he lost the first two to peer pressure in college, but even today, almost a decade since, he still remains vehemently loyal to this endeavor to stay off gambling. So much so that he actually sold off the highly profitable chain within a year of ownership. According to him, if he gave into that last bit of what defined him, there will be no Character left in him

We all have responsibilities to ourselves. When I talk about responsibility, it isnt something abstract, or the kind of self or life that theologians would argue about, its something very basal yet concrete, common man making decisions, doing things and taking consequences. We have a responsibility to be true to our character. To develop it in our own individual ways without the limitations set by norms or society. To ask why the need for similarity exists and then to wonder why we think differently if we were all meant to be the same.

On fur coats and tweed

Chapter 5
Nietzsche highlights fashion as a characteristic of the modern because it is an indication of emancipation from, among other things, authorities. But, in fashion also lies the element of eccentricity and irrationality that accounts for unrequited change, when desired. Man thrives when he is simple. Even as we approach an era more complicated than any in the past, we vehemently search for stability in our lives in terms of our emotions. With all that is happening in the world around us, we are not just confined to our own cultures as a way of life anymore, but instead open to this plethora of opinions and cultural biases admits which we desperately seek identity. So, even as we aim to be simple and logical as a modern form of self image, fashion is usually responsible for bringing about the complications in our expression.

More often than not, fashion is associated with vanity. When used as context to philosophy, it is often dismissed as triviality or something that lacks substance. The truth though, is that fashion is no more a philosophy than it is a psychology. Fashion defines whether you are someone who conforms to something to bring out the best in you or how you would like to express yourself- is there originality, creativity or do you play it safe  For some people, a safe option would be conforming to something that is already there, in vogue. You pick up something that isnt controversial because its contemporary and wear that instead to limit questions or unwanted opinions. That ensures you no limelight unless the rest of the world gets it too.

Fashion also gives a lot of insights about your insecurities- say, a person who is shabbily dressed, might want to pass it of as an I dont care attitude when in fact, they truly care a lot but dont want to be judged on the basis of that. They fear that they might not be good enough at it, so they would rather win by not caring. People tend to take the safest option, even if its the one of non-conformity, than risk being targeted (more often than not by their own idiosyncrasies).But, the ones who actually make break through in fashion are the ones who take it as an art as a form of expressing their view. The few idealists who dare to differ. To be more specific, isnt it ironical that the whole world follows the fashion created by some socially reclusive designer as a form of his rebellion against convention

What is the philosophy of fashion Apart from it being a form of expression, is there any more philosophy to fashion How do we analyze fashion at an individual level Ultimately we are only expressing ourselves through everything But, what about looking inside It makes me feel good when I walk around well dressed, knowing that people approve of what I wear. Is that who I am Is that only why clothes exist Is the entire sense in dressing up, the happiness and vanity it carries with it, only for publication When have you ever dressed for yourself Have you ever been alone at home for dinner and dressed up for it I, even with a strict family ritual of dining formally with my family, leap at the chance to be alone at home so that I can get into my comfortable Pajamas in cuddle up in front of the television for dinner

The latest pop star on the rise, Lady Gaga, is known for her eccentric exhibition of fashion. Whether its sparking rumors with HYPERLINK httpwww.thehollywoodgossip.com200908lady-gaga-hermaphrodite-picture-sparks-rumorshermaphrodite pictures or staging her own murder on stage, this powerhouse performer is known for her (almost) cryptic sense of style. Though, initially warded off by critics as an immature adult screaming for attention, Lady Gaga has risen so high up in the world of couture that some say couture imitates the lady rather than vice-versa.

Lady Gaga believes that Clothing is not just meant for function, but for its philosophy. All art is born from the esoteric just like all ingenuity, and imagination, is. All expressions of art- paintings, fashion, music, etc- follow the path of creation. More than the ideas of expressing themselves, people want to play with the idea of being able to express them as anything they want to (though might not really be). All art holds powerful symbolism, uniquely flowing through an individuals creative exploration and example, from a deep place of mystery and magic.

Facing the music
Chapter 6
If one studies the history of spirituality in all its religious and cultural forms, one underlying theme remains common our spoken and written language is not complete in itself to communicate what one feels or what needs to be felt. Telepathic exchanges of enlightening ideas, as a concept, were mentioned in a lot of ancient religious scriptures. Our modern day expression Its difficult to put this feeling into words is something even our ancestors struggled with. There must have been times when you felt that you cant do justice to your current emotion or situation by trying to describe it in mere words. Poetry is the farthest that abstraction of ideas into metaphorical dimensions can extend to, and I feel that is the limiting threshold of our modern languages. But if we bring in music with this poetry, something of a sixth sense emerges.

The reason I call it a sixth sense can be demonstrated with a simple example. A so called catchy tune, when played in  a particular setting for the first time, almost records the mental frame of mind a person carries. Everyone has at least one such tune in their head with which they relate to a past setting with a highly characteristic emotion running in the background. It could be the background music of the first kiss, or it could be the song you used to hear the most when you were in college, and it never fails to remind you of the good times, even after so many years.

So what relevance does this discussion have on personal identity To start with, few basic facts can be laid on to the table. Almost everyone enjoys some form of music, though their tastes and frequency of listening to it may differ a lot. Everyone has some all time favorite songs, melodies, lyrics, solos, live performances, artists, etc. Hence music qualifies as one of the parameters to study people across its as ubiquitous a characteristic as fashion, culture, moral values or religion which people define individually.

I have come across a lot of very interesting theories while researching the connection between music and personality. One such source (HYPERLINK httpwww.musicandpersonality.comwww.musicandpersonality.com) questions the social psychology behind music, and has come up with very formidable results, backed by statistical evidence.

Let me briefly describe how they went about conducting their research. They invited around 70 people to take part in an extensive personality questionnaire and at the same time asked them to specify as accurately as possible their music tastes and preferences. These songs were complied on to a CD and given to another set of participants, who were asked to form judgments regarding the nature of the person who has this kind of music preference. As it turns out, respondents were able to accurately describe what a person would be like, based solely on his or her music preferences.

Before you start jumping to conclusion, there is a flip side which we must consider. What if people like or think that they like a particular type of music just because they have a sub-conscious sense of wanting to belong in a particular stereotype of personality which they relate to or want to relate to For instance, I might enjoy partytrance music a lot as I want to feel as if I belong among the young party loving crowd. Or I might enjoy a particular rock stars band just because of the fame that artist has achieved, something of which I dream about every day.

So are we back to square one Not quite. This study paves a way for something quite unique, where the validity of the arguments is totally up to us Studying our own musical preferences to understand the hidden us.
There are numerous research quizzes on the internet (Like www.outofservice.commusic-personality-test) which boast of accurate feedback on your personality traits after filling in a huge questionnaire. Their results are not that off the mark, but I feel they only scratch the surface by assessing across the stereotypical association with music preferences. A hand-made, personalized test would do much better.

Play the first song which comes to your mind when you think of your current favorites.  Now try to understand why you really like it. For example, for me a really good song is one where beautiful lyrics have been supported by slightly complex and unusual music structure, which fills the gap of language based communication, reaching my sub-conscious and appeals to what I really like artistically Order in seemingly disordered setting, or more popularly known or progressive genre of music.

After a lot of thought, I realized that I like progressive music because it symbolically celebrates those values of life which I appreciate the most. I have always loved the fact that we as individuals have the capacity to find meaning and purpose in life at any junction, independent of our current problems. Everyday moment is our own to process and give value to. Life will keep oscillating between happiness, sadness, joy, remorse, pleasure, pain under the weight of our expectations. What progressive music says when all the words are insufficient is this You dont really need to find that comforting rhythm which you are so used to. Stop trying to control every little aspect of your life and break free a little. In the end what matters is how well you are able to do with what you have. And dont worry it will all be fine in the end.

 Such a story is hidden behind every style of music you like. All that is required is a slight effort to recognize these signs. I encourage you to try a similar search for yourself in the music you love. Go ahead and face the music. Trust me you are waiting to be found.

Time and personality
Chapter 7

Without reflection, there is no point to life. Think about it. What is the point of good times if you dont keep enjoying them over and over again by reveling in nostalgia Or on the other hand, how would one learn from their worst mistakes in life if they dont keep reminding themselves of their failures God has given us the ability to remember the past so accurately there must be a reason why. It is both our strength and weakness. It depends on how we use it.

Scientifically, it is said, that the passing years seem shorter then the previous ones as we grow older. The reason is quite intuitive. When you are, say, 15, the sixteenth year is 116th of your life. But when you reach 45, the 46thyear is 146th of your life. Since our minds processes our whole life as one big block of memory, this difference in the speed of passing time results. As it turns out, the phrase The last year just flew by has some scientific logic behind it.

So, it makes a lot of sense to study how over the years ones personality changes. Coherent with the above logic, one might observe that major personality changes and inclinations are established in the yearly years of life. Childhood is like that un-molded clay of life, where the artist has the freedom to give it any shape. This artist is sometimes the parents, or the child himself, learning about life from disconnected experiences which are made sense of by our growing mind. And this process remains active with decreasing power as we age. That is why it is said that childhood is the most precious part of any life.

College life is unanimously called the best time of ones life. Have you ever wondered why its so Of course the fun and the freedom are the important characteristics, but there is something else which people forget to look into. College is perhaps the only time in your adult life where you are not worrying about the future. As a child, we are so used to this phenomenon, and when we experience it again in our adult life, we just cant pin it down. We attribute it to other seemingly apparent reasons like fun, parties, friendship, freedom, lack of responsibility which are all true in their own way, but not really the mental cause. In college, we are back to the mental frame of mind of a carefree child.

Past, present and future Isnt time a play of these three things Lets perform a simple test. Pick a day where you can keep a log of all your thoughts which enter your head throughout the day. Make three columns  past, present and future, and categorize each natural thought into the applicable time frame. Calculate the number of thoughts you had in each category. Now fold and hide the all the columns except the past and try to imagine what you would be like of you never thought of these things. Would you day would have any different What if you extend this to a month A year Do you see your personality changing I bet the answer would be a vehement yes. If you go ahead and do this for the present and the future columns as well, a ground breaking realization comes to surface Its not that we change with time, we change because our personality is guided by what we think about, which keeps changing with time. Mere Age makes no difference to our personality. How much of our thinking we devote to past, present or future also determines how we react to situations and how much importance is give to the events in our life. For instance, if you are one of those who like to take each day as it comes, you are less likely to be bothered by bad event when they happen, as you sub-consciously know it wont change your personality and thinking a lot.

I developed this method while trying to understand how connected we really are with time. One of the biggest discoveries that I made was that we can actually change our personality if we follow this exercise. I like to call this conditional training of the mind, where we get accustomed to a much more productive and useful frame of mind. Trying to restrict how much we think of the past and future can help us to focus on the present life, thought a healthy balance should be maintained.

Personality change is sometimes not singular. Political situations can change mass public shift in opinion, which might also reflect in their individual personality. Lets look at 911. The terrorists were successful in implementing something which was far more destructive than the collapse of the towers spreading fear and panic in everyday life, dividing multi cultural society of US in different religions and cultures, and infusing a permanent state of suspicion in every American about Muslims. This was reflected in high increase in the rate of insurance cover as people scrabbled to protect themselves of any such future incidents. Imagine the situation for those who witnessed the incident first hand.

The recent global financial crisis also had a big impact in changing peoples outlook on their personal financial security. Minimalist view of life suddenly became very popular and there was a global phenomenon which urged people to be less materialistic, and be happy with what they already have. If it had one positive effect, the meltdown made some people realize how important it is to have a balanced life, which can support them in the worst of financial times. Many people who were impacted by this credit crunch have carried forward these lessons and now are able to find mental peace and satisfaction which where they are in life.

I would like to conclude this chapter by talking about the most inevitable thing in life Death. I have this odd habit of imagining myself on my death bed. What will it feel like Will all the things that define me right now still matter They say that your whole life flashes in front of your eyes when you are about to die. Will I see the milestones of my life which changed my personality, which made me who I eventually leave this world as I certainly hope so.

So, who am I again
Chapter 8
Now that I have fed and watered all aspects of the me-factor starting with the question and digging deeper into, Who I am, How I think and Why I think, we can finally move on to What to do with me.

Knowing ourselves goes a long way in determining what we move on to make or do with ourselves. Having an idea of why we act and react in a particular way makes us capable of judging our actions and being the best we can. People are often torn between the need to do something right for them selves and something good for the world. We are constantly faced with the dilemma of self preservation versus preserving the world. Some people argue that the significance of life is not the individual but in how the individual interacts with the life around him. Others on the contrary, claim that the real meaning and mystery of life is not in our surroundings, but in our minds. Our surroundings actually hinder us or distract us from establishing that connection with our minds.

We often bask under the misinformation (or rather the lack of it) that the definition of life is signified by what is present and so, pertains. Our characterization of ourselves and all that we stand for, and hence, all that is important to us is based only on what we have seen. One might argue, that living in the present and making the most of what is now isnt a sin, but a gift. But, that compels you to accept that what you know now is sufficient for you to define all that you are and probably, will ever be.
My argument now is not to condemn the importance of self but to enhance it.
I too live with the acceptance, that life and present needs are of utmost importance, but that isnt fulfilling. I can choose to sit with my comfortable life, in despair about deaths and hunger around me and then infer how incapable I am of helping anything just yet. I therefore, should focus on important issues regarding iPods, registering for gifts and heartaches. My small world is seemingly easier to tackle than what I dont know about the rest of it.

The more you talk about a person as a social construction, a confluence of forces, or a fragment to be marginalized you open up a whole new world of excuses, to be complacent and un-ambitious. The catch here is, that by caring about the world around you, you dont decrease the amount you care for yourself. It is an insult to assume that our philanthropic capacity can only indulge a mere indifference to the world.

The first step to anything we might be capable of changing, is knowing what needs to be changed. Our disinterest with our world stems not from ignorance but from the mere definition of the word for us. The day we step out of our cocoons we will find a plethora of concerns that affect us and need our attention.
There might be a sea of humanity at your doorstep, never the less, what you do makes a difference. Your life is entirely yours to create and destroy. The message here is that we should never simply write ourselves off, and see ourselves as victims of external forces. It is always our decision who we are.
Maybe it isnt apathy if you can still see the choice and your choice isnt triviality, but the significance of self. You might fail to see poverty and the culmination of destruction, but what you do see is your life and all you make it worth. You have your path and all your glory in it, and all what is important to you in your life as you live it. But the day you look ahead and see the change you can be, that will be the day you define not life, but what living it could mean

Connecting the dots  A little bit of philosophy
Conclusion
I am a big fan of Steve Jobs, Founder and CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios. His company and its products really appeal to the creative side of me. When I was in college, I always wanted to study design, but it was considered a womens thing in my familys cultural understandings, so I went on to pursue business administration Hence, my admiration for Apple founder.

I was lucky enough to get my hands on a commencement address delivered by him to the passing out batch of 2005 at Stanford. In that speech, among other things, he talks about the concept of Connecting the dots. He says that you cant connect the dots looking ahead, but on looking back, and realizing how things unfolded in your life. Each one of us can find such a connection when we scrutinize the choices we have made in our past and how they have unfolded into our present. Sometimes we have to make the toughest of decisions in life by keeping faith in this process we have to trust ourselves and know that these dots will connect themselves in the future, and everything will turn our as we want, or for the good.

As I conclude this short collection of articles, I feel that I really have made some veritable progress as far as my search for finding answers to our personality goes. I mentioned in the beginning that I wanted this to be a mutual journey of discovery and reflection I would like to summarize all the discussed things in the next few pages.

We human beings are complex animals. Evolution has played its part in making us increasingly independent and controlled at the same time. Independent as we are now at a junction in evolutionary process where we understand the prospects of our individual nature Everyday we hear stories about people paving their own path in life, undeterred by social expectations and norms. Modern society views each human being as an individual, with rights and freedom to choose. At the same time, we are controlled by these hidden chains which have grown in the name of development. People have great expectations from themselves, sometimes unrealistic, which drives them in to a pit of unhappiness, always looking to get more, do more, and feel more. This disease of dissatisfaction, has spread its wings to the simplicity of childhood, From a very early age, a child is bombarded by indirect influences forcing him to consider a particular way of life as ideal, and the will to not settle for anything less.

The effects of such an attitude cannot be categorized as mercenarily harmful .Its a never ending debate, where different people take different sides. What is important is to stop your self in this mad race and reflect for a moment.

The orthodox western philosophy categorizes our existence into two parts The mind and the body. The Upanishads, on the other hand, say that there are three parts to our existence The body, the mind and the self. Most of the Upanishads is an appeal to the reader to distinguish between the mind and the ego, for it believes that our true self is masked by our mind, which comprises of the ego. So what solution does it offer Well, in a nutshell, it offers a very novel solution Try and be a third person to observe yourself.

Its a technique I call as a spiritual out of body experience. Sometimes when we are living out our lives, our ego drives us than the other way around. We are passionate about our work because of our ego, not because we really love it. We are happy or sad in our lives because we have leant that our present situation and circumstances can only result in a happy or sad life. In short, we have stopped thinking with our mind, sans the ego. If for once we separate our understanding and view of this world from our preset knowledge, we might find answers. Classical physics gives such an analogical viewpoint with the law of independent forces. In brief, it says that force applicable on a particle in a complex environment can be calculated by separating all the forces and adding their contribution one by one. What if we do the same with our lives Any complicated situation can be analyzed after separating the different layers of our personality which unknowingly contribute to our understanding. Effect of each singular parameter can be established. This is known as the way of self, while keeping the mind at bay.

Social networking, music choices, fashion, and all the other factors discussed in the preceding chapters have this common thread. Though it seems like my initial motivation for writing this book is a far cry from where I have ended up, I see all these references to be connected. My religious and cultural confusions and conflicts were a result of not practicing this century old technique. In the end, a discussion on personal identity crisis really boils down to this distinction.